God created the donkey and said to him.
“You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass, you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years.”
The donkey answered: “I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only
20 years”
God granted his wish.
God created the dog and said to him:
“You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend. You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years. You will be a dog. ”
The dog answered: “Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years.”
God granted his wish.
God created the monkey and said to him:
“You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks. You will be amusing and you will live 20 years. ”
The monkey answered: “To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years.”
God granted his wish.
Finally God created man … and said to him:
“You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth. You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals. You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years.”
Man responded: “Sir, I will be a man but to live only 20 years is very little, give me the 30 years that the donkey refused, the 15 years that the dog did not want and the 10 years the monkey refused.”
God granted man’s wish
And since then, man lives 20 years as a man, marries and spends 30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back. Then when his children are grown, he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house and eating whatever is given to him, so that when he is old, he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey, going from house to house and from one son or daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.
——————–
A married couple is about to have sex for the first time on their wedding night.
They start to undress, and the husband removes his shoes.
The wife notices something frightful about his feet.
“Oh my goodness!
What happened to your toes?” she exclaimed.
“I have tolio,” he said.
“You mean polio?” she asked.
“Well, it’s kind of like polio except it only affects your toes.”
The husband then removes his pants.
“Oh my gosh!” the wife exclaimed again.
“What happened to your knees?”
“I have kneesles. It’s kind of like measles except it only affects your knees.”
The husband finally takes off his underwear.
The wife says, “Wait, let me guess, smallcox.”
————-
In seara fiecarei zile se organizeaza o licitatie de vinuri.
In prima seara, francezul:
– Doamnelor si domnisoarelor! Va prezint faimosul vin Chateau Latour! Din soi nobil, crescut pe dealurile Pauillac-ului, strugurii culesi bob cu bob.
Doamnelor, daca il bea barbatul, garantat ii creste cu 25%.
Nebunie generala, cumpara fetele cate 10-20 de sticle o data.
A doua seara, spaniolul:
-Doamnelor si domnisoarelor! Din vestitul soi Manto Negro, un vin de colectie cum nu mai gasiti nicaieri in lume! Daca il bea barbatul, garantat ii creste cu minim 50%.
Isterie generala, se vand cate 100 de sticle o data.
A treia seara, olteanul:
– Doamnelor, va prezint zaibarul pandurilor. Doamnelor, acest vin este o adevarata nebunie! Crescut in spatele casei, boabele sunt zdrobite cu piciorul de cei mai aprigi barbati din lume. Daca il bea barbatul i-o face ca pepenele!
Sala este pur si simplu innebunita!
Femeile cumpara cate 2-3 vagoane de zaibar. O americanca mai pragmatica de
felul ei, intreaba:
– Domnu’ oltean, ca pepenele de lunga sau de groasa?
– De dulce, doamna, de dulce..